My father used to tell me as a kid, that with all a man can possibly loose in his lifetime, its almost an obligation for a man to keep the dearest things close to him. I was with my ex- girlfriend for what was almost a decade. We were the best of friends, lovers, and fighters. I was her teacher, her leader, her o.g., her crutch, her shoulder, her rock, and her support blanket. I was always raised to be a very strong male and she respected that. Not like a over dominant guy or anything like that. Them dudes are crazy. But rather I was her go to guy and I liked having that kind of respect. I understand now that she allowed me the space to indulge in my strengths and she respected my opinion to the “ump tenth” degree. But this is in my reflections “after” the fact. People tend to not recognize what their jobs in relationships are until its over. They say that you never really know how good you actually had it until your ride in “La La Land” is over. Dreams often turn to nightmares, loves become lost, lies become exposed truths and predispositions become active. So instead of writing a a long list of “whys” and “why nots”, lets set the scene for you guys.
November 10, 2007, I wake up with my woman with my daily routine in mind. I believe it was a Saturday, or a day when we didn’t do much, or played “hookie”, because it felt like a Saturday. I would always wake up before her and smell her hair, touch her body real quick, get up, fix the crib up, do some push ups, and take a shower. (I’m a scatter brained individual by the way so my stories are like a Quinton Terrantino Film. where my thoughts and stories can go all over the place, so try to keep up) I was already in my “take care of my woman mode”, because I felt like I was slacking as a Boyfriend, so I stepped my game up. Things I thought my pride wasn’t capable of letting me do, I was doing. I decided that it was time to stop playing, stop fronting, and stop holding onto this heart that I was saving for something real, because I was already in something very real. She loooooovvveeeess strawberries by the way!!!.I mean, if this woman could eat strawberries all day she would. She also has some what of a sweet tooth and indulges in Pancakes from time to time. I decided to make strawberry pancakes for her with all the amenities. Western Omelet, turkey bacon, juice and all that good stuff, topped with my famous Pancakes made for a satisfying breakfast. My pops used to always tell me that life is all about the presentation and how you showcase your talents. I’m an excellent cook by the way! I set up the plate which was reminiscent of Emeril Lagasi. I mean shit was looking good the way I set it up. She was still in bed engulfed in the great smells of Prints Breakfast specials. This was nothing new in our relationship either. She lived for my cooking. But it was a treat because we were at such a bad place already; having this breakfast was such a relief from fighting, throwing the plates, pictures, televisions, mop heads, and whatever else people fight with. As I’m putting the finishing touches on the Presentation, which I was ever so excited about… Whats funny is at that very point in my life, I was content with my decisions I’ve made. People make mistakes and people make choices that result in a bruised relationship and I made a choice that I will live with for life, but at the same time I amended myself of a not so understandable choice from a woman’s perspective, by proving to my ex that I was indeed a good man. Anyways, I knew she was in a sort of “shitty” mood, by the way she was acting; so distant so quite, so distracted. She wasn’t angry, although she wasn’t very pleased either. Of course I know her, so I asked her many a time what the problem was but she never said anything. She kept saying that she was tired. Men blind themselves to change subconsciously to shield themselves from the Truth. So, I am now finished breakfast and its time to eat. As I bring the plate, which is decorated so nice,(I really did put a lot of love in the food that morning), she takes it and says, what I feel is the most cliche phrase a female can say, which is “I think we need to talk”. Stop saying this women!! Sheesh. We men, automatically go on the defensive as soon as you utter those words. I know some bullshit is about to go down already. She says in a very calm, collect, low voice, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” I say sarcastically. “What do you mean? You don’t want pancakes or something?” She says, ” No I want the pancakes, but I don’t think me and you should be together anymore. I just can’t give you want you want, and I feel that we’ve grown in two different places, Your heavy in this music and I feel like I can’t compete with your lifestyle.” Of course in my head, being the dude that I am, I immediately thought, “This is some bullshit.” But what I didn’t know was that this wasn’t a topic up for conversation. She had already made up her mind, and from what the tons of women I spoke to, they all say that she made up her mind about this long time before she brung it to my attention. So she gets up and walks out, and as she walks out she literally walks out of my life. But whats funny is that we live right next door to each other. How awkward is that. Well its been 2 years now and I feel a little silly..well not for writing about it, but rather not being successful with finding a jewel like that again. Finding that connection with another female has posed very difficult as of lately. Since we’ve been apart I have interacted with a lot of girls, and I feel that what I’m looking for doesn’t exist, or if it does, they are already tainted, and honestly have to many hang ups for my taste. So ladies, gents Lock down your true love, because “once a good things gone bad, its gone forever and I’ll mourn forever, man I gotta live with the fact I did you wrong forever.”
Print of Good Day Good Night
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