Archive for January, 2009



~Human Is Me~

I feel as if I’m an Alien.. And its hard 4 me to come down outa space, and I want nothing more than to be human… but its impossible for me to change…
to be normal…. in a special place.. With another face, an average case, a humans face..
But it doesn’t work like that, you see, in the present state of this day and age, with a normal gage I’d jus feel sooo…. caged.. And I want nothing more than to be human… but its impossible to change…
to be accepted in todays society, and even tho it welcomes you with open arms, pretty soon comes the harsh reality if its propriety… and I know “there’s no I in team” but its pretty hard for I not to look at me as my very own prodigy, but still me must give I center stage… and I want nothing more than to be human, but its impossible to change..

And although I love me and… me love I …… one of our souls must die, and the worst part is being, Alien I can’t cry…. but at the same time, I can’t bear to lose me… and I want nothing more than to be human… but its impossible to change..
Even though I can’t help but give permanence to an evanescent thought with this pen… I glower at me in the mirror and force myself to pretend that I was me and…. me is I… and it disconcerts me to look @ I… ’cause for me to live, I must die…and I want nothing more than to be human… but its impossible to change..

I wish I can show you who I really am… but all I can show you is my disguise, who I pretend to be… oh how I wish I could be human.. But human is me…




I am ………..
I am tony
I am darkbrown
I am da mood
I am Anthony brown jr
If I know my name why do I ask myself who am I
Why do I say I am me but don’t know who me is
Why do I want someone if I don’t have me
I am cool ?
I am funny?
I am smart?
I am tony?
Why do I want u to like me
Why do I want u to laugh
Why do I prove u wrong if I know I am right
I am athletic?
I am popular?
I am cocky?
I am darkbrown?
Why do I make sure I tell girls I play college sports
Why do I try and impress you
Why do I think I am the shit
I am a dj?
I am fashionable?
I am artistic?
I am da mood?
Why do I say u never heard this song
Why do I say these kicks are exclusive
Why do tell u I write poetry
I am insecure?
I am abandoned?
I am lonely?
I am Anthony brown jr ?
Why do I think I am ugly
Why did my father leave when I had no mommy
Why do I think I am not good enough for anybody
I am just a name
I am hidden from plain view
I am the truth
I am…………………………………………..



The first and also last thing i want to do is reflect on things, weather it be the past present or all of our future. Sometimes i look in the mirror for ten minutes straight. Not because Im cocky, but because sometimes the reflection from the mirror will tell me more then ill ever tell myself. my reflection tells me if im mad, if im happy, if im feeling good, if im doing well, do i have money, am i broke, what i did last night, and sometimes what i wanna do. Almost a week ago i reflected on this past year as anyone would do coming into the new year. too many questions came to mind for me to write them all down. I wonder what kind of reflection i give off to people when they meet me? What happens on that first day you take a woman out, what kind of reflection do you give off? Did you over-dress, did you under-dress, is my cologne good enough? when i speak to people of a different race what kind of reflection do they get from me? Damn these reflections.

These reflections tell me more then i ever will. I just hope when you catch someone’s reflection or when they catch your’s they get the right reflection.



My actions are a manifestation of my thoughts and so I keep happy thoughts in mind =). This year is going to be such an amazing year. I know we all say that at the very beginning of the year, but personally there is nothing but loads of self gratifying accomplishments. I graduate in a few months, which is for me and my family a huge deal. After all that I have done for myself in the past 3 years, how could I not reach the top after freeing myself from school?

Leaving the states for the New Year has been the best decision. I’ve given myself so much food for thought. Self reflection is probably the best shit on earth. I’ve come to amazing terms with myself, I put shit in prospective and I put what’s important first. I just love when I pin point exactly what it is that I want. When you eliminate all the insignificant bullshit and you see what’s real, and who’s real, life suddenly seems to run more smoothly.

I try to conceptualize my thought process and if I showed it to the world, they’d think I belong at Bellevue lol. I really am trying to do things one step at a time but my mind is on autopilot when it comes to all that I want to achieve. I get so easily motivated and inspired. Having the kind of friends that sleep, eat and breathe what they do, makes me feel like I’m not trying hard enough. But I thank them because subconsciously their hard work pushes me to do more and more. 

When you visualize then you materialize. My visual stimulus is on crack right now. 😉



After reading other people’s blogs for years, I started my own 4 months ago. Around the same time I was beginning the most difficult semester of my college career, but I couldn’t care less. I was immediately consumed by blogging. Memories include working on accounting at the library until the early morning, coming home and blogging for hours, and then going to class at the break of dawn. I had many a sleepless night just to keep a blog that nobody was reading updated.

Soon after, I took a trip to New York City that changed my life. I was only there for a week, but it didn’t take much for me to realize that I needed to live there. Me and my crew ran around the city all day, every day. We met with record label executives, magazines, other bloggers and artists. Time seemed so much more exciting and opportunistic than it does on campus. It was easily one of the best weeks of my life.

So it’s 4 months later. What do I do now? I’m moving to NYC for the summer. A lot of people do read my blog now. But what the fuck am I even aiming for? I’m coming off my worst semester ever and these dreams of mine have a lot to do with it. 

I don’t even specifically know what I want to do, but I’m far too interested in the things I write about to not be directly involved with them. I want it all. I want to get my foot in the door in several industries and I just need a summer to prove myself. But what if I get to NYC and it’s not everything I thought it would be? Do I just throw away a degree and a life of guaranteed success and take my chance in fields that are extremely competitive and equally dim? I’m not sure if I should, but the scary thing is, I know I will.

ernest.baker via