I guess this is where it starts… just keep writing and something along the lines of genius will just come across the screen something buried deep in my subconscious that I never knew I had inside of me. Something like the world and the earth are not exactly the same things. The earth is the planet itself with its geographical locations I suppose, and the world well we cant really say there is just one world can we?? The earth is filled with various worlds: my world, his world, her would, and their world. We are individuals with our own worlds, each nonpareil and never the same, living amongst each other.. and even if our worlds overlap its only for that moment because at the end of the day we are each in our own world, in our own thoughts.
Something like that…
Maybe I should keep writing, maybe then ill drop some more words… something about how when you have walked on egg shells all your life, you eventually learn to walk with caution everywhere among everyone… and you start to apologize habitually, and you become aware of others feelings and esteems before your own and in that same aspect apologize again even when it wasn’t your place to apologize. with that being said you realize that others take your kindness for weakness. I am an Aquarius so by nature I strive to be independent. Though I have the support of my world, I count on myself and im finally starting to fly over the egg shells rather than walk. Learning that in the end all I have is me and I am the only one who knows what makes me happy. Walking on egg shells wasn’t the life for me, so im finally making a change to that, Some how they will always be there so by learning to fly im never an inconvenience to those who laid them there.. im just finding another path for myself.
Archive Page 2
‘Persistence Overcomes Resistance.’
So I see Saint runnin’ the streets twice in the last month, and BOTH times he asked me about my “Words from..” entry. The 2nd time was at ILL Party at The Delancey. I was hosting and to make a long story short I promised him the my entry before the end of the weak. Being an ABSOLUTE man of my word I got to writing and thought about my favorite topic…
There are a HUNDRED reasons NOT to do something. People will find an excuse to take the blame OFF of themselves for ANYTHING. “I’m too tired, its too cold, its too late…” etc..etc. We’re ALL Human, and we ALL do it. We like to put the blame on things like Luck, Fate & Destiny, which are three things that DO NOT exist, but are subject to matters of ones own opinion. Me personally, I don’t believe in the aforementioned and Its in my own personal opinion that they make a person lazy. Lets take for example a person who is planning on losing weight. Do you think Luck, will be the reason he/she loses or doesn’t lose the intended weight goal? Or is it one’s hard work, their determination, their desire, and their commitment to losing the weight that will be the integral roles in this particular situation? Lets take a look at another example. A person loses a $100 bill, it fell out of their pocket/wallet/purse. They would rather blame “Bad Luck” than to hold themselves accountable or blame their carelessness for that lost $100 . On the flipside, the person who finds that $100 is considered “Lucky”? NO they looked on the floor at the right time, and right place, perfect timing if you will. A man makes his own luck.
My point is this. If you TRULY want something, go and get it. Its as simple as that. Success, why do you think Russell Simmons, Kevin Liles and countless others have written books on it? Because it is EASY. People think there is some science to success when essentially, it lies within YOU to become successful. The motivational books and speakers are around to A) possibly guide you if you are confused in what area of life you would like to be a success in and B) to get YOUR MONEY!! Like I mentioned, people LOVE to make excuses for their laziness, but ANYTHING can be accomplished as long as you are determined, focused and, PERSISTENT. The formula is simple, Think about what you want to attain/accomplish, and then put all your efforts into making it happen. If you quit for whatever reason, than you didn’t want it bad enough, plain and simple.
I am crystal clear on my purpose in life. It involves uplifting the Hip Hop culture, uplifting our community, and giving back to a life that I’ve gained so much from, but “I realize I cant help the poor if I’m one of them…” So until then, I’m focused on 1 thing at a time, and right now, I’ve got dollar signs in my eyes. Think of a Puerto Rican P. Diddy (with a conscience). I’m a BORN LEADER, walk with me…
Word to the Tattoo across my back…
“From one point to another, a mans reach should exceed his grasp…”
Shout out to the Whole GFC, My dude Mickey, Congrats my dude..MAD EXCITED for you..Steve-O How come we never met yet??..Saint You got this fam.
“Universal dance, a vivid play with words in ya brain,
You’re enticed into a trance.
Put the dream on hold, a just expression of your soul,
But it’s a real being that we’ll never know
Truth is, you’re mind is a metaphor
I want to like but it is…
A being that spews rhetoric, you feign delicate,
With malicious intent, ARE YOU REALLY HEAVEN SENT?
Are you…the answer?…are you my companion?…
Then why did you abandon?
I spew abrasive statements, I despise apparent fakeness…
Words deep…Maybe too cryptic.
But I speak real shit…As real as cold steel gripped, ripped from the hip, aimed steady and intent…
to crush the flesh wicked, you need common sense…think about it…
Or a cruel miscarriage…the culmination of our life’s plans, destroyed…
I will never understand…
Before I perish, my essence beneath the earth’s sands,
And the words I speak, dissipate with my breath
I want to inherit, your knowledge & your reasoning,
I want to resurrect what little love’s left
Just to give me a feeling..like you really still care
But maybe my pleas are falling on deaf ears…”
But it doesn’t work like that, you see, in the present state of this day and age, with a normal gage I’d jus feel sooo…. caged.. And I want nothing more than to be human… but its impossible to change…
to be accepted in todays society, and even tho it welcomes you with open arms, pretty soon comes the harsh reality if its propriety… and I know “there’s no I in team” but its pretty hard for I not to look at me as my very own prodigy, but still me must give I center stage… and I want nothing more than to be human, but its impossible to change..
And although I love me and… me love I …… one of our souls must die, and the worst part is being, Alien I can’t cry…. but at the same time, I can’t bear to lose me… and I want nothing more than to be human… but its impossible to change..
Even though I can’t help but give permanence to an evanescent thought with this pen… I glower at me in the mirror and force myself to pretend that I was me and…. me is I… and it disconcerts me to look @ I… ’cause for me to live, I must die…and I want nothing more than to be human… but its impossible to change..
I wish I can show you who I really am… but all I can show you is my disguise, who I pretend to be… oh how I wish I could be human.. But human is me…
I am ………..
I am tony
I am darkbrown
I am da mood
I am Anthony brown jr
If I know my name why do I ask myself who am I
Why do I say I am me but don’t know who me is
Why do I want someone if I don’t have me
I am cool ?
I am funny?
I am smart?
I am tony?
Why do I want u to like me
Why do I want u to laugh
Why do I prove u wrong if I know I am right
I am athletic?
I am popular?
I am cocky?
I am darkbrown?
Why do I make sure I tell girls I play college sports
Why do I try and impress you
Why do I think I am the shit
I am a dj?
I am fashionable?
I am artistic?
I am da mood?
Why do I say u never heard this song
Why do I say these kicks are exclusive
Why do tell u I write poetry
I am insecure?
I am abandoned?
I am lonely?
I am Anthony brown jr ?
Why do I think I am ugly
Why did my father leave when I had no mommy
Why do I think I am not good enough for anybody
I am just a name
I am hidden from plain view
I am the truth
The first and also last thing i want to do is reflect on things, weather it be the past present or all of our future. Sometimes i look in the mirror for ten minutes straight. Not because Im cocky, but because sometimes the reflection from the mirror will tell me more then ill ever tell myself. my reflection tells me if im mad, if im happy, if im feeling good, if im doing well, do i have money, am i broke, what i did last night, and sometimes what i wanna do. Almost a week ago i reflected on this past year as anyone would do coming into the new year. too many questions came to mind for me to write them all down. I wonder what kind of reflection i give off to people when they meet me? What happens on that first day you take a woman out, what kind of reflection do you give off? Did you over-dress, did you under-dress, is my cologne good enough? when i speak to people of a different race what kind of reflection do they get from me? Damn these reflections.
These reflections tell me more then i ever will. I just hope when you catch someone’s reflection or when they catch your’s they get the right reflection.
My actions are a manifestation of my thoughts and so I keep happy thoughts in mind =). This year is going to be such an amazing year. I know we all say that at the very beginning of the year, but personally there is nothing but loads of self gratifying accomplishments. I graduate in a few months, which is for me and my family a huge deal. After all that I have done for myself in the past 3 years, how could I not reach the top after freeing myself from school?
Leaving the states for the New Year has been the best decision. I’ve given myself so much food for thought. Self reflection is probably the best shit on earth. I’ve come to amazing terms with myself, I put shit in prospective and I put what’s important first. I just love when I pin point exactly what it is that I want. When you eliminate all the insignificant bullshit and you see what’s real, and who’s real, life suddenly seems to run more smoothly.
I try to conceptualize my thought process and if I showed it to the world, they’d think I belong at Bellevue lol. I really am trying to do things one step at a time but my mind is on autopilot when it comes to all that I want to achieve. I get so easily motivated and inspired. Having the kind of friends that sleep, eat and breathe what they do, makes me feel like I’m not trying hard enough. But I thank them because subconsciously their hard work pushes me to do more and more.
When you visualize then you materialize. My visual stimulus is on crack right now. 😉