WORDS FROM PHELLA- LEAVE?LEAVING.LEFT!!

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Struggling Artist, Rising Talent Rep, Professional Leaver.

I left my memories of my father behind because he wasn’t physically present from age 9 and up. It allowed me to grow into a man overnight and learn things on my own. Now that he’s back in my life, I’m fine with whatever happens because I’ve experienced leaving before…staying should be a breeze. The only damage it did was made me not trust people. In today’s world, I see inability to trust as a blessing. (1997)

I left 10th grade year in high school saying I would no longer attempt to follow. It was just too difficult and unrewarding. As a result I came back the next two years as the baddest, most accepted kid on the block. The misfits loved me and the in the crowd was my homies. Through me both groups were even brought together on occasion. It’s where I learned the power of inclusion as opposed to separation. The pretty girls noticed me (which they’ll never admit) and I befriended the girls who weren’t as popular. Teachers? Forget About It!!!! I got A’s for just showing up. All because I found myself and left following behind. (May 2003)

I left high school graduation with the belief that I would go to college for a year just to make connections, get rich, and dropout. Well….didn’t quite work that way. I went for a year and a half. But college did help me leave the “hood” mind state behind. Physically that’s still where my family resides. But college allowed me to see that what separated the rich from the poor was simply their mindset. In the “hood” we believe that we can’t and there is nothing better out there so we settle. Suburban people don’t do that. I left that mentality behind. (June 2005)

I left my first love after one year because she loved me too much. I needed space and time plus I wasn’t really ready for that much love from anyone. It wasn’t in my family growing up, why should you, a perfect stranger give it to me? Something must be fake about it, right? Wrong. She wasn’t at fault. It was just me, I wasn’t ready. Wrong decision to leave, but right outcome. I found out through leaving her that I would need to love myself first. Plus I made a song about it over Jay-Z’s “Song Cry” and some guy wrote me that the song inspired him to get back with his girl, and now they’re married. (August 2006)

I left my common sense. Part of why I left college in December 2006 was because my family was struggling. In 2007, I did anything to get money, and I mean anything. Mentally myself and the people around me weren’t mature enough to handle money. The original purpose was to pay light bills, buy food etc. Eventually it turned into VIP sections at clubs and Polo splurges every weekend. On the surface it seemed like happy times, but far from it. I just thank God that I’m here today. (January 2007)

I left my mother because I felt she saw too much of my father in me and it hindered our relationship. It left me temporarily homeless but I was probably the happiest homeless man ever. I knew that it would strengthen our relationship in the long run. It did. (December 2007)

I left my house on an ice cold morning to go hear Mr.Obama speak. He inspired me. So much so that exactly two weeks later I took the last money left from my common sense hiatus and filled up my tank. Drove to New York for a it’s-either-this-or-nothing meeting with Sickamore. Driving back home all I had left was exact change for the tolls and a sense that all my leaving had finally paid off. (February 2008)

Two things I’ll Never Leave:1)Studying and Analyzing Human Psychology (It’s what allows me to function). That’s another thing I got put on to while in college. 2)Music.It was my WordsFrom before I knew what WordsFrom was.

Phella

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4 Responses to “WORDS FROM PHELLA- LEAVE?LEAVING.LEFT!!”


  1. 3 Tondalia Cliett December 4, 2008 at 7:07 pm

    I’m so in love with the way you think Phella. Your blogging takes me to a place inside me where I tend to think in the same voice you speak.

    I’m so glad I got a chance to meet a young brother like you. You are one of those people, like President Obama, that leaves a lasting impression on the people you encounter.

    You definitely left one on me. I so loved this piece and I think you should really try your hand at writing.

    Tondalia, Author of Rico & Rayne

  2. 4 GRNpea December 4, 2008 at 10:13 pm

    truth.
    we lack a lot of this in these times.
    I appreciate the breath of fresh air.


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